Scared.

Im getting older and im scared of it.
I still remember when i was still in the junior high school, young, cheerful, happy also sad, having lots of fun with friends. I miss them.
Im getting so scared of how fast "time" goes.

Yeah i never enjoyed any moments that happened in the past 4 years, but, i realized that this is it.
I should never miss every single moments that happens in my life.
Life is too short, and im getting scared of it.

My life has been filled with school. Non-stop.
And next month, i will be out from school.
Cool how i used to imagine it. N now im in it already. Im gonna face it. And its gonna be over, my first nightmare..

Sigh.
Not yet, Dear.
Its only the beginning. Maybe.

Im sad, excited, also waiting for it.
Because i am getting older, I cry.
That means.. My time is coming.. soon..
Unpredictable, but i believe in my thoughts.my feelings.

Im getting sad, because of everything that happened to me in the past 17 years.
Im getting sad, because im getting closer to my 18th age.
Im getting sad, because in two years i will be 20.
I'm getting sad, because i should  be mature.
 I'm getting sad, because i dont know what will happen in 4 years.
I'm getting sad, because i will be living alone soon.
I'm getting sad, because im gonna lose someone again.
I'm getting sad, because i should work.
I'm getting sad, because i should cook for myself one day
I'm getting sad, because i should let go.
I'm getting sad, because i should take care of myself one day.
I'm getting sad, because i'm afraid.
I'm getting sad, because i wont be able to trust anyone anymore soon.
I'm getting sad, because one day no one will take care of me like it used to be when i was a kid.
I'm getting sad, because its getting tougher.
I'm getting sad, because i should starve myself to save money one day.
I'm getting sad, because im afraid no one will remember me one day.
I'm getting sad, because everything has to change.


Dont cry, big girls dont cry.
But i aint the one.

I wonder if someone else is feelin the same way..
 I havent met one yet.  But i hopeso.

Anyway its been about 3 years i guess since i started this blog.
This have been helping me a lot.
Thanks to papers,
blank papers,
blank pages,
words