With or without you

Because
i've been thro in an unbearable pain.
Because i've been thro in the sadness for years.
Because i've been living in the darkness with emptiness.
Because i've been losing so much.
Because i still live in the past.
Because i couldnt let go.
Because it hurts a lot.

Yea, it hurts a lot.

I'm staying in the past because i cant let go.
But they were already letting me go.
They have moved.
They found their new happiness.
They found someone who can replace me.
They found a better one.
I thought we were like that kind of 'best mate' as what you told me that day, guys. I thought.
But i was wrong, you were wrong.
You are still, to me.
But perhaps, i'm not the person you used to see anymore.
You stopped looking at me as the person you used to love.
You stopped looking at me as the person you need the most.
You stopped looking for me.
You stopped thinking about me.
You stopped asking questions to me, you stopped wondering.

At least, i thought you would want to talk to me, again.
But the truth was,
You stopped. Long, long ago.

Whenever i spoke to you first, not even once you asked how i was doing.
Not even once.
So many times i've tried. So many times it ended just because we dont have any topics to talk about.
I kept asking you questions but it seems like i'm the only one who cares.
And it hurts.
It hurts more than anything i've ever felt, dude.
It hurts a lot.

I know, i'm such a dumb person.
Why would i hurt myself more by letting some people ignore me?
 They used to be so important to me, and so did i.
But the words of " used to be " means " no longer "

I used to be someone important.
I no longer someone important.

Oh, dear.
I'm so sorry for being so stupid.
Thank you at least for making me realize a bit, that i should stop thinking about you, guys.
About us, about everything that happened years ago.
I should stop looking for you guys.
I should stop worrying about hows life going on to you.
I should stop
and try to move forward, with or without you.

I know its gonna be so hard,
but i hope
the painful heart will get healed soon.
And the efforts
will be replaced with happiness.
with, or without you.

So let me know how to let go, and forget the feelings?
Sometimes i think, that you wont go after me even when you didnt get any text from me in 10 years.

Dude, promise me,
stay beautiful, and cheerful.
And when someday you lost someone you love the most, move on.
Just like the way you did years ago.
When you lost someone you need the most, dont stay in the sadness way too long.
Drowning in the sadness makes you feel comfortable sometimes. It brings you the way to the darkness.
And if you'd like to know,
darkness has its beauty in some ways.
But i hope, you wont.

Cause i'm already in it.
Its tough for me to get out of it.
Sometimes i let it stay because i got tired of trying.
Its the feeling of lonely, and empty.
But it doesnt make me feel that bad tho, cause i feel safe in it.
You will become cold, easily break.
But some don't.

Some become weak and easily break down.
Some become cold and resentful.
Some died in it.
Some hurt themselves.
Some fake themselves.
And some, trying to leave.

So,
do what you've done years ago.
You've done well, i know you can live well. with or without me.
Be happy, my beloved old peeps.

                        See you, whenever i see you                       

                                                                              - JT