if

And only if that "thing" never happened..

She wouldn't want to die that much
She wouldn't be depressed that much
She wouldn't stuck in one life, past.


She watched at some videos of her old friends, at the old school.
The pain came deeper.
Looking at them wearing the highschool's uniform of her favorite ex-school, and all she could tell herself was, " I wished i get the chance to wear it, even for only a day." " I supposed to wear that."

having a field-trip together, spending the last moments together before graduate, celebrate graduation together, spending some fun nights together, to cry and make jokes together, to hold a prom-night together, to hold the best farewell before college, to celebrate our sweetseventeen parties together, to dream together, to do stupid things together, to cry in a deep sadness realizing we are gonna have a really busy life soon and not being able to meet each other often, to make wishes together, to be a great bestfriend forever, together.

That never happened in my story. Never went as i ever wished it to be. I dont need new peps, they are rude and i dont like it. I want them, and that's all.

She remembered them all,
She remembered it all.
She only able to remember them, and forgot to realize that she need to remember everything else.
She didnt get it, why she couldnt remember a simple thing she did in a day before. She felt strange. She assumed it as "pain changed me, everysinglething of ME"

She had two different sides.
one people never believes exist,
one people know as rude, weird, annoying, unkind, anti-socializing.

Do you guys even believe that she used to be a cheerful happy looking girl? Shes never been good. She admit it.
Okay, she is gonna tell some facts that actually happened,
She was a suicidal girl since she's 10.
Nothing's been really good happened to her life honestly. She is such a dumb girl that's too dumb, kay.

I feel so pity on her, I feel like i wanna cry.
How can she keep it all until she turned 17.
How?
God, she's been too tired.
That tiredness, that unbearable pain that you gave to her.
She's gonna have a long life, but i dont think she'll be able to do that.
Im afraid..
Im so afraid.

Im so afraid that i dont know how to explain it.
Im so tired, TIRED

I wonder,,
where will i go, after death?

 And before it comes,
she want to do her wishlists.
yeah,
before something unexpected happens.