Which is better? die, or dying?

Saying someone cant be sad because someone else may have it worse is just like saying someone cant be happy because someone else might have it better.



 I walked around, stopped by the balcony. About to remember when someone tells you about them. Standing there all day, staring at the room, kept guessing if it was him.
Went to the second walk, it was the stairs. Stopped, "he used to wait me there." Sitting on the 5th rung, staring forward to the undone building. And used to be there sitting beside him.



 

 And here i am,
Getting another pain, endlessly.


Well,
have you ever been so messed hoping to have a break in life for a while, until you got the thought of "whats it like, to be in coma?" Isnt it would be much better to go away from everything in life, for a while? Its like, sleeping, but in the long term. Ah, it would be great..
But, does "coma" means the same with "dying"?

Dying, which means almost to the death?
You still feel the thing. You feel the pain. You feel the scars. You feel the nightmares. You can still feel everything.
Die, which means death.
You are done. You are done with life. Your job is done. You dont have to worry about the pain anymore. You wont feel the depression anymore. You will live in the different world now. You wont come back. you wont, and you cant.
The sad thing is, you just need a break. A break from everything in life, please.
You hate living, but you still love the Life.



Well, everyone miss their childhood, so do i. But, at least most of them have the best part of their life. who knows mine?
I still remember those nights i cried, cried so patheticly, in the room, covering my face with the pillow so no one can hear me. I still remember thousand times i hoped to die. I also remember how many times i almost ran away from home. I remembered, how i almost do the harmself.
You have the best part, in your life, dear. At least you do. What do i got? I got nothing unless pain.


 I did noticed a few people who do suicide emself.
Suicide.
What do you think of people who died by "suicide"?
Dumb, dumb, dumb, stupid, stupid, stupid.
"i dont get it why do they kill themself because getting a brokenheart"
"they are so stupid, blahblah.."

Okay i admit it, i used to think the same.
I also get upset, how do they do that, because in life, no matter how hard its now, we will get over it soon. And we will find happiness again.

But, we wont be living the happiness in life, dear. After the shiny sun, there will always be rain. And after the rain, there will always be rainbows, beautiful rainbows. and its gonna be that way, repeatedly.

Now, i do understand why they suicide.
I do understand how fucking hard its for them trying to survive. I know they tried so fucking hard to entertain themself, and forget about the things that matters. They must have been experiencing the same thing over and over again. Being messed, fucked, depressed. Fighting back the pain. refrain themself from doing something stupid.
But,
Everything in life has it limits.
Even the sun has it limits to shine.
Even the most kindly person has it limits.
Even the most patient person has it limits.

 They are done, they are done with the living. They have been thro a lot. They aren't stupid, they aren't dumb, they aren't a bad one, they also aren't pathetic, and they aren't weak.
They were the strongest ppl in life that have been thro a lot, until they find their own last way. I do understand how they felt. It might be the hardest time for them.
For them to end everything, to leave the world, to leave their family/friends, to not being able to live when they still have the chance.
I appreciate them, so much.
You have been thro a lot, until this time.



Its insane, just the passing thoughts.
Sorry.