On Last August,2014 : from 18th
I'v spent 13 days on August looking for him.
September,Oktober,November, and December 2014.
I'v spent the 122 days hoping for him to notice me.
January-February 2015
"Hoy! its already 2015 and its still him?", said some of my friends.
I spent the 32 days, he did noticed me. He knew. Actually he did knew from long ago, but he pretended like he didnt.
On February 2015,
I thought from all the efforts,sacrifices, and time dat i gave to him,not in vain.
But what i got?
I waited for the 167 days, the 6 months,
Waiting for him, to let me in.
Okay so on February, 2nd of february 2015.
He was absent, i mean he's not in school that day (Monday).
And that day, was the first time for the part of me missing him.
I feel like i dont wanna do anything n just wanna go home. Losing interest for school without him there.
So that day, i let it go. I waited till the bell rings and hoping to go home sooner.
As soon as i got home, i received a lot of messages as usual. Tbh, i get annoyed by those mssgs because i want one of them is him! but never was, i mean, i want it to be him,even when i didnt posts anything. I want him to think of me,and text me suddenly. But then, i checked all the mssgs.
And BOOM!
THAT SHOCKED ME A WHILE.
He's there! Seriously, it was surprising. What i know is, he's rarely text me if i didnt update anything. But then he texted me and asked me my opinion about the pict he gave me(Its him shirtless on the pict,
Then day by day, passed.
He keep texting me, and giving me hopes.i.always.expect.him.to.give.
4th of February,its on Wednesday.
Where we usually had our eskultime after schooltime.
I'm in the english club. And he was in his favorite sport(
So that day, i didnt join the english club, and i study the OSN with ciM,and those who were going to face a competition.
If i wasnt mistaken, we went home at about4-5pm.
There was my goodfriend,J. She companied me study the OSN.
He was still at school,with his friend. Well, when he played his fav sport with his friend, i went outside the classroom and sat on the ground with my friend,J.
Suddenly, he came out and joined us. He came and sat. I knew that i couldnt stay any longer. So i screamed at my friend and said that im afraid, even i said I wanted to cry.
He was staring at me,and laughed. Idk wats on his mind but, he was so scary.
And its time to go home, I took my bag and went out with my friend, when we were about to walked out, he also came out with his bag on and about to leave(he's with his friend).
So we walked together, im so nervous.
Seriously, it was the most scariest thing i ever faced! Im so nervous! You know how it feels when someone u like, came to you and walk together like nothing. ( i mean, he knew that u liked him, but he acted like he didnt.)
And maybe bcz he didnt have any special feelings to gave so yeah.
Maybe it was me, maybe i screwed those all down. Maybe i messed everything up when i got the chance.
We went home, he's standing right on the officepost, and when im about to walked out from the school, my friend yelled and said : "Hey,*hisname! What r u doing? Waiting for Julie?"
And he answered : "yeah! im waiting for Julie to go home" and giving a killersmile.
I still remember all those little things..that he did.
I liked him like crazy, and idk why.
After a few days passed,i thought we could have something more.
But it all happened, unexpected. ITS 1000% not going like wat i expected.
9th of February,It all ended. ( below is what i wrote on my phone that day) :
It hurts, i swear.. I swear, it havent started yet,gosh. Everything ended,without any begins! He made my day fo a couple days, then leave me just like that, like im nothing. Like he just, argh.
Okay, maybe its just me. I was wrong from the start, i was the one who messed everything up when its almost been fixed. I know, im sorry. You told me something u want me to change, something u didnt like from me. But i keep doing that, and u couldnt accept it so you left.
For the months iv been spending for him, for the details about him, everything about him,even i feel like im being a spy or the part of FBI *kbye. i thought i did it, but it was unexpected and ending up like this.
I told him everything, too fast. I want all my secrets back, i want all the stories back, i want all the feelings back, and i want all the "you" go away! far,far away till the sky wont let me see you again.
You knew u made me fall more that moment, you told me that u kinda have some feelings, telling all the cute words, argh you'r such a dougchebags! Dont come and make someone fly, if u'r not ready to catch 'em up when they'r going to fall.
It happens,already.
Okay, i let it go. It was so close.. I watched him, datingback with his ex-gf.. again.
You know what hurts me? it was him that dating another girl right after he hurted me. Haha asshole.
So u came giving an empty sheets fo me and argggggghh!
U were never moved, i knew we all called it a loyalty. The loyalty i gave him, the loyalty he gave her, was too hard to be replaced. I knew its about them, and i came giving him a parts of me, letting him throw it away.
I keep this heart for almost a year, letting myself watch him with another girl.
If that was never happened, i think he wont igrone me now. He changed, he changed. He igroned me now, he acted like he didnt know me anymore, and i was just an unknown person that ever came into his life. He didnt care a bit,anymore. He igroned all my texts, he replied all the text from me with a really2 short replies. He didnt text me anymore when i updates something. He didnt. I did all the convs starts now.
I stopped, i wont text him anymore. I gave up.
I'v tried.. really. I tried really hard to be his something.
I tried to let someone in, but i still couldnt. I keep ending up with a bad replies from their flirties.
"you see? u still could call him a good guy?!",
"you see now, no matter how hard u try, no matter how long u'll wait, he wont be coming back anymore. he'll keep choosing that girl, his ex."
"he didnt deserves it!! gosh!!! wat a dumb of u,im about to kill you if i meet you someday. i swear"
Everyone was like "Let it go,Jul.. there'r millions of fishes ready fo u to catch 'em."
But the fact is, i cant. I didnt have the chance to do so, i keep stucking into him. The "moving on" efforts has done nothing to ma heart.
Yesterday, i was hanging around wid my friends. my friend(A) told me that
I was planned to study there with my friends, but then my mood drops when i heard that. wat da..
.
.
.
An almost 9 months waiting.
.
.
.
-JT-
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