Dear Mom

Dear you, Mom.

You judged me for being so ungrateful with my life when you dont even understand about what happened to me.
I am damaged, and I need more attention of yours.
I shared a lot to you, I told you the most. Boys, work, school.

I shared a lot, at least it could lighten my burden.
And the reason why I share to you a lot, is because i still believe in you. In your love.

But Mom,
I dont have the ability to get myself all together.
I'm broken, and you might not know that.

Sometimes I'm afraid, Mom.
I'm afraid of myself.
I'm afraid, If one day I lost my self.
Finding myself there again, alone, and feeling so fucked.
Sitting there at the corner of my room, crying. Without laptop. Or Phone.
Dont worry tho, Mom. I'm still writing.
I write everytime I'm fucked.
Worry when I dont.

You told me that my problem now isnt a big thing, because i might have something bigger later.
Yea Mom?
Are you sure,
when your daughter think about suicide, doing harmself, throwing herself from a high buildings.
Are you sure, Mom?
Should "that" happen, so you can believe in me?
Should "that" happen, so you can try to understand me a bit? at least.
But Mom,
If that happens, what should I do?
I'm afraid of feeling alone more than this.
They say, it will be much worse.
Dark, cold, alone, painful, sadness for a really really long time.

Mom,
What should i say to you?
Your words hurt me, when i'm already damaged.
I dont believe in people. I dont like people tho.
Most of people call me an anti-social girl.
Can you give them the answer, Mom? :)

Love you.