The book of forbidden feelings

I want to grow up 

but

my soul doesn't seem to be very excited about it.

Maybe she's lying.

She's just a soul.

one day,

she says, "Get up, lazy cat! You have to live your day proud and loud!"

but another day she whispers, "So tired, can we just stay at home all day, call in sick, write an ugly poem, and be busy being invisible?"

I can't control her.

I'm just a body.

And she's a thinker.

She's so inconsistent and always has this thirst for attention

and celebration for herself.

She makes me busy seeking for distractions.

She never counts me in her future plans, she's

too busy shouting meaningless motivational sentences or killing my confidence

in a very low whisper, like wind in

December, "You are not good enough." 

Last few days, on Sunday, 31st July 2016.

I bought this book when i went to a mall with friend.

I love reading books, going to the book store and read all day, finding good stuffs to read. But actually, i cant easily get attached to buy one
 So when i do, its probably a good one.

It was quite expensive, as i see thro the pages, there are so many empty pages,
Why did i even buy that book. Dunno.
I read the one opened, and everything in it hits me like yeah. So i bought the book.

I'v always been searching for a book like this. When i can't find a person like this, then i need another friend, books.
Then i found this. Godbless

                    " It's accepting              but at the same                    time                                  never feel                                      good enough."

 Oh dear,
i can see how you finally getting a lot better.
I can also feel that it slowly making me better.

You said it feels like it all was just a fake thing? No. You've done good. You forced yourself too deep. Thats why.

Changing whats bad to good isn't easy. Not as easy as turning a good one to bad.
Process.                                             Be patien. Be positive. Dont look back. Smile.

it's not ur fault because you've done great. You should be proud of yourself. change the world and show them that you are better than you seems.

We only remember moments in our own way to preserve those moments, we only see what we want to see, we only remember what we want to remember; not exactly how they happened.

And before you realize it, the present time already swallows all those moments and feelings and faces into a cloudy space where everything is meant to be forgotten.